WISDOM

We are all divinely guided.

We all have the capacity for greatness: of being greatness as our true nature as beings of spirit and of love.

Whether or not you believe in a higher consciousness (something we typically refer to as god): receiving divine guidance simply means that you are able to exist outside of the racing, ‘anxiety-driven’ thoughts in your mind and simply experience life – “be in it with full presence”.

When you begin to slow the incessant thoughts that fill most of your waking moments, you start to notice the gaps….the small spaces of quiet in between.  As you bring attention to those gaps they expand…even a little, offering a quiet ‘nothingness’ … and the experience of pure being.

At first, you may experience a state of being by accident, a longer moment of quiet in Shavasana at the end of a yoga class, a moment or two of QUIET between your thoughts as you walk along a snow covered path in the forest, or a moment of pure joy where you realize you were simply existing in the present moment.  Each and all of these are what you might experience -heightening your awareness of the inner quiet that is possible.

Meditation is one example of a formal practice in ‘quieting the mind’.  The objective is to experience the present moment, usually by using a focal point such as your breath, in order to maintain your attention.  Once you develop a feel for what being present is truly about, you can intentionally bring your awareness into the moment at any time knowing that to do so simply requires you decision and perhaps a deliberate “letting go” of any and all thoughts that may be in the way.

Perhaps you then consider integrating a regular practice: of prayer, meditation, or guided contemplation whereby you quietly observe your self in silence – simply being - giving way to your inner knowing – the version of your highest self – that quietly, yet faithfully begins to surface from its place in your unconscious mind (which typically you don’t have access to in your waking busy moments).  This inner knowing gives you “right direction” for your life.  It exists from within you as a felt sense, an intuitive feeling, or sometimes as an inner voice.  Your intuitive or higher self - this divine nature that is both within you and in all living things becomes noticeable in your conscious mind only after you have turned down the volume of your conscious mind (and all of the internal self-dialogue noise) long enough to feel and hear from within.

This is the sacred dwelling place of your inner wisdom – your divine guidance.

If you continue exploring, your intuitive nature will direct you to a spiritual path.  This is because your divine guidance is the pure energy of the universal consciousness and not of form.  Pursuing a spiritual path, you become mindful of the higher values of love, truth, and your connection to this infinite universal intelligence. 

You and every other human being has the potential (the free will) to choose an existance that supersedes the everyday aspects of life that we have been conditioned to accept with limits.  The more you actively seek out your highest self as that part of you that is also part of the infinite universal consciousness, the greater confidence you have in your ability to be divinely guided; to know what is inherently best and right for your life, and to trust in your path using your god-given talents to contribute positively in the world.  On a separate and related level, your intuitive nature inspires you to pursue your life seeking the most compassionate gifts of spirit: love, kindness, joy, faith, trust, compassion, and truth.

The path of love and healing begins with you.  From the mysteries (divine blessings) that you cultivate in walking a path of divine goodness, your openness to learning self-improvement, higher integrity, and loving self-care, culminates in living a life you are deeply proud of.

Remaining ‘open’ to your spiritual journey, you examine what comes into your life with curiousity rather than condemnation.  You can observe moments of irrational outbursts or vulnerable fear and be grateful for an opportunity to learn from these rather than feel defeated by them.  You can ask in moments of quiet contemplation or prayer for the ‘right’ path, for strength to live in ‘right’ ways, for the courage to make ‘right’ choices and then follow and trust what you receive.  Sometimes you will experience your divine guidance directly and other times you will receive messages in the form of signs, symbols or words “randomly” spoken to you through others.  These are all moments of divine guidance being present in your life.

As humans with free will we all have the ability to choose.  Choose a path of goodness, of right moral order, or choose to hide; deceive yourself and others, deny and condemn.  Each of us is capable of any action; we always get to choose.  Consciously or unconsciously we choose everything.

And the wonderous part of all of this is that we have the ability to continue seeking more, evolving, and becoming a greater version of ourselves…. for as long as we choose to do so.

Be open to the idea of a universal intelligence that is both responsible for manifesting what we know as our physical world as well as the infinite consciousness that is a part of everything.

This universal God force or consciousness is what reminds us of our infinite potential to be the very best version we can possibly imagine for ourself.  All of the fears, insecurities, wounds, and misperceptions that we experience in our life as physical beings can be overcome by stepping out of our ego-driven self and instead bringing conscious attention to our quality as infinite beings of spirit (energy).

Divine guidance while on this journey involves a contemplation of our nature as good and a freedom for living with joy and in prosperity.

This month, open yourself up to the divine guidance that already exists in your life.  Seek answers, knowledge, information, as well as the courage and strength to move toward what changes you seek: both in yourself but as a being of love.  See your own path as infinite and divine and in quiet moments of spirit, ask for help; ask to be divinely guided as part of what will help you realize your biggest ideals.

Namaste!

There is an element of love in us all that… when we bring this freely into our conscious state we become it.  We exude love by the nature of our kind actions and generous spirit.  Love is contagious.  It frees us to be our true self and to experience the true nature of others as perfect beings as well.

I recently witnessed a magical day…I witnessed a pure transformation of LOVE.

Love doesn’t occur by wishing or hoping but rather by BEING.  When you can embrace a special day in your life and make the intentional choice to enJOY, to experience thes present moment, to have ‘fun’, what you are ascribing to is your natural state of being love.

A wedding day is special for many reasons, but what I observed at my Sister’s wedding was the confidence of choice both her and my Brother-in-law felt for one another; the confidence that comes from a well established and lengthy love relationship; as well as the confidence in knowing with certainty that they have chosen the right person to share their life with – even as that person continues to change and evolve.

The wedding day was not so much an acknowledgment of their commitment; for they have thirteen years of commitment in place – the day was a celebration of their love of one another, and for their closest and dearest friends and family members.

The transformation I witnessed was in the couples’ confident expression of LOVE.  They were truly celebrating their love of one another, and their LOVE of everyone in attendance.  The freedom and confidence to love freely and openly is what I know we all witnessed.  In being witness to this, each of us also experienced the confidence to freely love one another: new friends and friends of our past.

To experience one another as we are in the present moment also frees us to be in relationship with who we are today knowing that this is the most honest example of who each of us is.

To witness and feel pure JOY and the love of being your true self is something that is always replicable.  For you see, love does not only reveal itself in big ways in the special moments of our lives; LOVE in its purest form experienced each and any moment, makes that moment and those whom you share that moment with … special.  It is is being LOVE that we become Divine spirit in action.

Namaste!

…..and Congrats Cat & Troy!

The idea of ROMANCE as a focus for the first month of this new year may seem unusual, and yet as I quietly contemplate the focus for each of these next twelve months, ROMANCE seems ideally just the right focus to bring to one’s life.

January is an exciting month for many reasons: the anticipation of a fresh start; the possibility of what this new year holds; the idea of manifesting and receiving with gratitude your deepest desires…. all mark for important discoveries, experiences, and HOPE.

The idea of romance is in cultivating love.

A focus on Romance this month reminds us of the need for displays of our love to one another. I t may be a gesture of thoughtfulness, affection, a note or card expressing words and feelings, or a simple return to focus on feeling the LOVE in our relationship.

Romance also nurtures our understanding of what a love relationship symbolizes and expresses.  To love someone romantically leaves us open to divulging our deepest vulnerabilities and truths. We may not entirely accept or love our self and yet we are trusting (and perhaps hopeful) that another person will accept and love us as we are. 

The teachings of a love relationship last a lifetime.

Each person we love will help us see and discover more of ourself in a way that cannot be hidden. We will be constantly tested to grow and take risks and to become autonomous in our development of self since our love relationship can be all consuming if we allow it. 

Romance is how we cultivate our love with our partner.  To be romantic and express our feelings of love takes courage, especially if we choose to do so in moments of tension or conflict.

Romance is the fire that keeps the active nature of our love alive.  It is an important ingredient for sustaining love and the connection of intimacy between two people.

Romance and the idea of being respectful and loving to our partner is what nurtures and deepens our commitment and our feeling of love toward another.  For when we love strongly and without limits or conditions, our love becomes ever so strong and resilient.  The energy of love at times is palpitable and can overwhelm us with emotion.  This is the energy of love that is often shown through gestures of romance.

Romance also reminds us of our need to love others. We may see a couple walking along the beach holding hands and looking ‘in love’ and be moved by the beauty of love in relationship.

To express love through romance is to acknowledge our life choices in a mate and the ever so perfect nature of life that allows us to feel love through acts of romance.

For January, take a break from setting intentions and visualizing what you want to manifest and return to the ever growing nature of romantic love. Find ways to express romance in your life regardless of whether you are single or in a love relationship. Let romance find a way back into your heart and feel the grace of love open you to the possibilities of what that may bring.

Namaste and blessings for countless expressions of romance in your life this January!

In November, my suggestion for an inward focus was BALANCE.

Consider how balance comes to play in your life at this moment.

What insights or discoveries do you make when you keep BALANCE in mind during your day?

Has your definition and appreciation of balance changed to include a gentler, more loving way of living life?

I am a first born.  The focus in my family of origin was on achievement, success, and doing your best.  Rewards were given as a direct outcome of performance.  My early tendencies were less about honoring balance and more about an ‘all or nothing’ way of looking at life; the ’all’ approach being my predominant operating mode.

November’s focus of balance brought to light for me one very valuable learning regarding my need to ’complete’ and ‘finish’ as a way of measuring performance and achievement…and a delightful reminder of the process; the journey; the experiences that occur in our life one moment at a time.

As much as we all need to feel the satisfaction of concluding projects and tasks; it’s also important to remember that our lives are a series of beginning and ending points all within a journey.  In fact, the only real ending of this lifetime occurs when we run out of clock time – at death.

Rewriting some of your own beliefs around balance may bring awareness to the fact that each moment of your journey is special and breathtaking.  Rather than simply focus on what achievements you accomplish, revel in the experience and purpose of each moment; the ending points of that experience simply signify that you are ready for the next moment of learning.

Each day we have the potential to affect others with positive energy; love, kindness, care, and compassion.  We can, in a single moment lose sight of all of the potential of our smaller moments in pursuit of something we define as ‘bigger’.  In fact, it’s the accumulation of each single moment …and of our thoughtful actions, and compelling emotions that we are moved to live life fully.  What defines us is how we live each moment.

We are blessed with a lifetime of small moments in which to shape, impact and formulate what becomes our life’s greatest work.

Consider taking a moment to reflect on the new meaning of  b a l a n c e  in your life.  Consider what balance could mean to how you live going forward.  Making each moment significant and meaningful in the whole context of your life is the balance of enjoying and living the ‘now’ even as you have plans for future moments.

Remember, you don’t get to “relive” past moments.  You can ‘redo’ past moments but you never get back a moment that has passed.  It’s important to consider each moment that is right in front of you as valuable and with potential for creating something special.  The balance lies in appreciating each moment without skipping ahead too far and missing out on what is right in front of you.

…and so please continue to contemplate and celebrate B A L A N C E  in your life.

In this last month of 2011, I invite you to contemplate DIVINE GUIDANCE.

What does it mean to be divinely guided?

From where do you receive divine guidance?

Think of Divine guidance as the graceful path we are on.  Sometimes we don’t realize how we got here; our innate talents, learned skills, and knowledge always prepares us for what lies ahead; even when we don’t know what is next.

Divine guidance reminds us that there is always purpose for our life and a perfect path that we have the free will to choose.  When we move off this path; when we are not living our life with honesty, truth and love – we feel disjointed, lost, and as if something important is missing.  Disconnected from divine guidance, we lose touch with the gentle knowing  - the inner felt instinct that helps us make right choices.  Off of our ‘right’ path, things are more difficult, challenging, and frustrating.

During this month what can you do to allow for greater inward guidance? 

What can you begin to put in place right now that will guide you to your inner happiness? 

Divine guidance is the inner perfection that always offers us a ‘right’ path.  It is felt most clearly as a heart driven experience: that is, we feel it in our heart centre rather than something we think about or analyze.  Divine guidance calls us to do something, be something, make a certain change to who we are or how we think; it is a physical change contemplated in the mind but felt in the heart as a ‘right’ step forward.

Returning full circle back to the idea of balance… you can lose yourself in being willing to act on all of the things you believe to be important, forgetting about your need to be still; to contemplate where you want to be, who you want to become; where you are headed.  Divine guidance offers us much to contemplate in order to act with resolve and full appreciation of each moment.  Knowing yourself well comes from knowing what it means to have a ‘life serving’ direction.  Divine guidance is the gentle urging; the inner knowing that comes from our spirit – the divine quality of our nature that is the same as that of the universal consciousness; what we call the divine nature of god.

How do you receive divine guidance?

How do you know what it looks like?  Can you trust it to be right?

Divine guidance is our inner communication with the divine energy that is in all things).  It is your awareness – your inner awakening to this universal consciousness that reminds you that divine guidance has always been with you.  As part of your inherent nature, divine guidance is always accessible should you go within yourself to access it.

Often it is easiest to know it by becoming quiet; listening within, asking specific questions; hearing your inner self – your spirit – speak to you.  This is your unconscious (mind); the part of you that is one with the Divine.  This is your inherent wisdom; your truth…. guiding you….perfectly…to be your highest potential.

Divine guidance is also a faith; an inward reflection of your life that awakens you to believing in something more.  When you are divinely guided you allow your highest self a place in your everyday life.

Keep in mind, divine guidance can also help you look ahead to January and living with …..right FOCUS.

Namaste everyone!

PEACE and good will to all!

There are important reasons for knowing how to generate love from within. 

When you learn the process for loving SELF, you no longer require or depend on others to love you.  (It is wondeful that you feel loved by others, but you no longer live in search of someone to love you).  You also learn that love originates from within – that you have the capability of feeling loved simply by feeling love as it already exists within you.

When we know by our personal experience – that we can be loving – that we can be love – we are moved to share love easily.

Using the analogy of an apple tree; it simply knows how to bear fruit.  It readily produces ripe apples as a function of its ability to do so.  (Yes, the apple tree requires the right conditions of sunlight, soil and the concept of clock time in order for fruit to grow and ripen.) 

The same may be said about L O V E. 

We have the innate ability to create love from within our hearts (our heart region is the location we feel our experiences of love originate – manifest – before we experience the various sensations we associate with LOVE throughout our entire body).  As human beings, love as a feeling – an emotional reaction – is created.

It begins with a thought (conscious or unconscious) – or image – (sometimes recalling a memory is a visual path to creating love in this present moment).  To create LOVE (and to be love), we intentionally conjure up loving feelings that easily – intinctively -flow out of us.  As beings of energy, love is the energetic quality resulting from specific and precise neurons elicited by the chemical reactions of waves of (thought) energy. 

Love is both a human experience and an experience of energy simultaneously.

There are specific and deliberate techniques that I teach clients for opening their heart chakra, for energetically growing – manifesting – the quality of love from within.  This reveals a tangible sense of how love originate from us – whether through our conscious, intentional creation of it, or simply our awareness that it is there – and to focus attention on it, giving it expression – life.

If we were to study the ancient energy systems of the human body discovered some 5000 years ago ; we would see that our heart centre – our heart chakra – does what it is purposefully designed to do; express the quality of love that we feel phyiscally in our body.  To activate the energy of our heart chakra is a subtle and original way to feel the quality of love within us.  This can be done using visual techniques; or through thought intention.

LOVE is our inherent nature.

To live as a human being in this physical world simply means that we have the graceful gift of experiencing and expressing love in a physical way: spoken words, touch, gestures of kind action, and outward demonstrations.

To know that you are capable of being LOVE, of evoking it from within you means that you can consciously and freely give it.  

Knowing your capacity for being love helps change the way you might look at our relationships (perhaps no longer demanding or expecting to receive love, but being responsible for giving it).  Trust that whenever you are loving in thought and action it automatically comes back to you – either in reciprocation immediately, or in later moments. 

Love as energy grows, expands contagiously.  It is infinite and it it is endless in its capabilities.

If you should decide that one of your new objectives is to give love freely, to be more intentional in your practice of being love, notice what magical, miraculous moments you begin to create (in your own life, but also in your relationships with others).  Begin to live your life with the daily intentions of being loving and of feeling love grow first within you. 

Love is: the most powerful thing.

Namaste!

ONENESS can exist in many forms in your life.

When you feel at ONE with yourself, you likely feel empowered, balanced, ‘in control’ and self-aware.  These positive feelings are the direct result of being honest and authentic with yourself and others; and in behaving in a manner that is congruent with your values and beliefs.

Fundamentally, the idea of oneness urges you to be your best self by being REAL and holding to your highest integrity at all times!

When you compartmentalize the various aspects of your self, you begin to feel false, fake, and ingenuine.  This is because when you show others the part of you that you want them to see while being something different with others, or in your own private moments; you actually become disconnected and divided from your SELF.

It’s like being on your best behaviour some of the time, while hiding the parts of you that you don’t particularly like.  When you do this, you actually never really get to work on your inner growth because you are too busy pretending you are someone you are not.  In fact, the fascade you have created tends to fall away in moments of high stress, mental and physical fatigue, or if you let your guard down.  Since your core beliefs are already a well-established part of who you are, it becomes really difficult to keep your beliefs ’hidden’ for long.  Your true thoughts and feelings end up revealing themselves in inopportune moments; but they always get out.  You might think you are hiding the REAL YOU from others in order to maintain relationships, make good impressions, or get what you want; but in the end…..your true character comes out.

Some examples of behaviors that come out of our disavowed self are: smoking; excessive and-or binge eating; excessive or impulsive drinking; drug use; uncontrollable gambling; cheating; and violent behaviors.

These behaviors become the hidden part of you that you often do ‘in secret’, and later feel shameful for. 

So why not make peace with the part of you that you have chosen to ignore  for a long time?

Dare to ask yourself: Who am I?

Consider how you would define yourself to yourself.  How do you describe who you are?  What parts of you would you like to change and how do you then integrate these ”improved” parts back into the ONE person that you could be with everyone and at all times? (e.g. No more being on best behavior, or not speaking truthfully when someone asks for your opinion).

I’m sure most people would say that they know themselves.  In fact, that’s one of the first comments clients make when I give them this challenge.  Yet when you start putting pen to paper, how well can you really describe yourself?  How honest are you really?

Make sure you include what are all of your greatest qualities as well as the parts of you that you are less happy with.  Once you have exhausted your list of attributes, you may then ask one or two trusted others to give you their input.  Be sure to explain that you want to hear what they think are your less than admirable traits as well as your most positive ones! (Eliciting others’ perspective isn’t necessary; but if you are unsure of how to describe yourself this may help.  Without judgment, consider how come you need to hear another’s perspective.  Do you trust enough in what you think?  Do you appreciate hearing how others’ perceive you?)

As you bring awareness to how you see yourself, you realize that what you reveal of yourself to others and who you are in those quiet moments of your life where no one is watching may indeed be different!!

The idea of oneness as I discuss in my upcoming book,

Wisdom:  A guidebook of Universal truths and teachings to inspire and transform consciousness; and for living an enlightened life depicts a state of conscious awareness where you practice living congruently and revealing your true self at all times.  No longer do you disavow your ‘dark side’ (the part of you that you attempt to keep hidden; that you are less proud of), but in fact you are willing to look closely at yourself in those moments when you are behave in ways that are not indicative of your true nature, and seek to work on the changes in your thought patterns and beliefs that will help you successfully be your ONENESS.

For example, perhaps you have a tendency to lose patience easily, to be aggressive or even bully others to get your way, or maybe your self-serving or egocentric attitude continues to damage your relationships.  Your commitment to ONENESS is your willingness to acknowledge this incongruent part of your self (the parts of YOU that begin with a thought or unhealthy belief and result in negative actions and behaviours).  Instead, become far more observant of the conflict that begins with your own negative thought patterns and work to change this so that you can live congruently with your ONE true nature: the part of you that is wholly kind and loving.

When you seek to establish oneness you no longer have to pretend.  You can be your true, authentic self – your whole self – with everyone.  Reveal your TRUE SELF in all areas of your life; with all people; at all times; and you will no longer need to hide or conceal the ‘dark side’ of your personality.  In those far fewer moments of weakness….because we are human … you will quickly correct what you said or did…in part because you are practicing greater awareness of your ONEself; but also because your new mandate – your new way of being in the world ….is to be ONENESS.

“The idea of oneness is to live congruently, with greater consciousness; as a highly evolved being.”

-Dorothy Ratusny

If you truly want to practice living ONENESS….consider what parts of your self you continue to keep hidden.  What behaviours do you want to continue keeping “secret”?  Rather than being inauthentic, consider how you might give up hiding the parts of yourself that you don’t like; consider how you might get help to change your actions and reactions, so that you no longer need to expend energy and effort hiding these parts of you away from the rest of the world.

Acknowledge what thoughts and behaviours you are not happy with.  Decide instead how you truly want to be.  (Sometimes we lie to ourselves saying we want to be different but really we aren’t truly prepared to do the inner work to be accountable to those changes).  Consider that you may need help from others you trust; and you may need to ask for gentle reminders when others notice that you have stepped back into old patterns.

Know that you will need to be far more self-observant and AWARE during those moments that you are tempted to live incongruently, and instead call on your conscious nature to bring your attention to what you are doing…. or what you are about to do.

ONENESS of self is a journey. 

It is something that we work toward throughout our life as a function of our intentional evolution and higher state of consciousness. 

Attaining a congruent nature as a loving being says you can be your highest self – your most loving self – with everyone at all times.  That is the ideal we strive for.

Namaste!

Sometimes I catch myself off balance.  I may, for some reason be standing on one foot in a moment as I do something …and I feel my balance going.  I may reach for something and notice a gentle wobble in my footing and realize that my balance in that moment is indeed missing.

We can listen to the signs of our bodies as a way of recognizing….reading…when balance is with us.  We feel ‘off balance’ when we are lacking sleep and our fun loving self is compromised.  We experience being out of balance when our diet is temporarily poor or if we haven`t moved our body – exercised it, strengthened it – challenged it beyond it’s normal task function.

The idea of BALANCE is overlooked as a fundamental element of life.  Look around you and see where the balance is in your life.  See where the balance no longer is.  Look inside yourself and ask the question: What do I need right now to be in balance?

Balance and its philosophy is a daily life practice. 

When we have balance in our life, we feel supported, nurtured, and whole.  Balance helps us to reach goals, to make change happen – to be inspired to create.  When our schedules become disproportionate; when important parts of our life are given less attention, our energy levels drop, our moods are affected, our momentum in life slows right down.

Balance exists most clearly when we are aware of our highest values: the ideals that are most important and necessary to us.  When we address and give attention to each of these areas of our life regularly – daily in fact, we cultivate and maintain balance.

Consider the most relevant areas that you place importance on:  love, happiness, health, family, truth, work/career, finances/wealth, travel, personal growth.  Perhaps you can also identify qualities that you want to place personal attention on: being a loving, kind person, fun/excitement, time with friends or making new friends, interests and hobbies, and education or study.

In a practical example, place all of your values in a ‘LIFE Balance Wheel’.  Doing so helps you to identify the areas that may have been neglected, as well as the areas that are currently dominating most of your time and energy.

The example above gives you an illustration of what some categories might be, based on your personal values.  You can have as many ‘pieces’ of the wheel as you need in order to include everything that is most important to you.

Step 1: Select All of the Values (categories) that you believe would provide the most fulfillment if they were at 100%

Step 2: Using a 1 – 7 rating scale (1=lowest and 7=highest), circle the number that best reflects the level at which you are currently at.

Step 3: Connect the Dots

Connecting the dots provides a visual to help you see exactly where you have balance.  Your core life values perfectly balanced will illustrate a wheel shape.  Otherwise, you will easily see what areas you have balance in and what areas needs your attention.

Step 4: Create ‘action steps’ as your immediate strategy for how you will bring more balance to those values that are lower.  What attention, effort or behavioral changes are required to raise these areas of your life into greater balance?

Decide what you will do to bring balance back into your life.  Most of us assume we have good life balance and we rarely bother to measure exactly where we are at.  When you feel unsatisfied or unhappy with one or several aspects of your life, it is always a cue that your life is not in balance.  Working to improve or change a value that needs attention may be one solution.

Values do shift over the course of our lifetime, so it is necessary to re-examine your core values to determine if what you think is important really is.  Adjusting your core life values to reflect the changing YOU means that you will always be working on what is integral and most important to your life.

Using a more intuitive practice, spend a few minutes (increasing this time as you may like) each morning asking your inner self: What area do I need to bring more awareness to?  What part of my life do I need to bring into BALANCE?  Listen and see the first idea that comes to mind and (without judgment) consider how you will implement this into positive action.

What can you do to bring these areas of your life into greater balance?  What are you willing to begin doing now?

While much of the world may be gearing up for family holidays or gently coasting toward the end of a calendar year, use this month of November to re-establish what your core values are and bring them into healthy BALANCE.  Observe how doing so helps you to be happier, more confident… and inwardly peaceful!

Namaste!

Couples entering therapy still do so as a last attempt to fix their relationship; usually after much irreversible damage has occurred. 

In most cases, couples rely on their partner to ‘change’ as a prerequisite for the relationship to improve.  Doing so simply averts the immediate positive outcome they are seeking since a loving couple relationship requires the efforts and ’inner’ work of both people.

A healthy and loving relationship is a product of both person in the relationship.  The more you improve upon who you are, the better all of your relationships become.  And for many couples who walk into therapy initially blaming their partner, it means reexamining their own actions, and reevaluating their beliefs and values including what they want in a partner.

Ultimately both people must want the relationship; both need to believe that each other adds immensely to the quality of their individual lives; and both members of the couple need to be consistently kind, loving and respectful to one another.

Two vital factors for the success and longevity  of all love relationships:

To develop and nurture a healthy love relationship that continues to transform itself, growing deeper with the passing of time, consider  these necessary elements:

1) Practice endless FORGIVENESS and ’FORGET’ past mistakes and wrongdoings. 

No person is the same as they were a month ago, a year ago, etc.  (Furthermore, we are  h u m a n).  If you are good at holding onto grudges or past hurts you are creating a proverbial “OCEAN” (never mind just “water”) under the bridge.  In time, the ocean engulfs the bridge and there is nothing left – including your relationship. 

Instead, attentively observe and listen to your partner’s words and reactions and seek to learn from them.  Ask question to clarify.  Please don’t assume that because you’ve been together 19 or 26 or even 42 years that you know each other implicitly.  WE do change, albeit in different ways.  Change sometimes means you adopt new beliefs or ways of being in the world.  You would do well to consider your partner is evolving as well – regardless of whether their growing pace is different from yours.  The beauty of forgiveness and forgetting means that there is nothing to harbour and no feelings of resentment or hurt. 

To resolve a past hurt that you haven’t forgiven, consider how you can forgive the person first, even if it is difficult to forgive the behavior.  Forgiveness helps with forgetting and letting go of the past.  Communicating what has hurt you helps the other person know better for future.  Rather than react with anger if the behavior occurs again, consider how you can remind your partner of the impact of their actions and simultaneously ask yourself what you need to do to change how you perceive this situation.  There is often some good opportunities for self-growth every time something angers you. 

When couples hold past resentments about a specific issue, they react every time this behavior occurs – but with  heightened and often irrational emotion.  The reaction is no longer specific to the current issue, but a culmination of all of the previous times that you were witness to this and similiar behaviors.  It becomes a ‘KABOOM!’ reaction that is highly illogical and at the same time, harmful to the receiver.

2) Be UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING to your partner. 

The idea of unconditional love is to love without conditions or expectations.  Unconditional love means that you are open in your giving of love to your partner (never withholding).  When you feel angry or hurt, communicate in gentle ways that express your honest feelings without condemning the person.  (This may mean taking a step back first to process how and why you feel the way you do).  This often means more revelation about who you are then about what it was your partner did that angered or hurt you.

When couple clients begin therapy work: they often have sessions together, and also individually with myself.  The simple reason for this is so that I can help them uncover and heal their own issues from childhood, raise their levels of healthy SELF-esteem, and changing unwanted behaviors that continue to negatively impact their lives and in particular, their relationships with loved ones.  And of course, individual work in therapy invariably includes discovering more about one’s self.

You may not have chosen the absolutely best person as your life mate.  This is likely the most common reason people do not remain together in a love relationship. 

Choosing a life partner without knowing yourself intimately, and without maintaining full honesty about what is most important to you, means that you both are likely to feel as though you are sacrificing too much at different points in the relationship.

This truth revealed invariably catches up with you; and unless you and your partner are able to overcome some of the major differences you face, you may be better suited to find your SELF first …. then choose a ‘right’ partner.

Each month I encourage a different ‘inner’ focus for contemplation and study.  During October, I encourage you to examine your current state of ‘self-acceptance’.

The degree to which you are self-accepting is driven by your inner work.  Self-acceptance is something you can wholly experience in your adult life – with conscious attention and effort to your inner thoughts and beliefs, and by challenging the negative messaging you received in childhood.  It is not simply a matter of convincing yourself that you accept who you are.

Rather, it is through the work of honouring yourself, as you also strive to become better, for true acceptance of your whole being comes with pride of our true nature to be loving, kind beings together with work on the parts of our nature that at times, falters from this.

Likely, as you begin any kind of inner work, you may experience more self-criticism at the outset, largely because of the illumination of there being “so much work to do”.  With self-awareness, you are acutely observant of the things that need ‘work’ or changing, making true acceptance an even harder task to achieve.

Having high standards if fine as long as you view yourself through loving eyes.  Berating yourself simply causes your spirit to sink.  True self-acceptance means loving yourself unconditionally.  You accept who you are even as you may be making changes and challenging yourself to be more.  The idea here is that even as you already are a perfect being, your human nature (your ego, fear, and the self-doubts that are created by critical thoughts) will create both inner discomfort and outer behavior that goes against the true nature of what you are capable of.  For this reason, being observant and aware allows you to see the self-sabotage and destruction that can occur.

The idea of self-acceptance is to be kind and patient with yourself as you make changes and self-evolve.  Remember it is far easier to learn self-acceptance if you like and appreciate the person you are.

Self-acceptance becomes impossible to realize if you constantly compare yourself to others.  You cannot expect to be self-accepting if you are constantly critiquing yourself based on the qualities or life of another person.  Your standards for self-acceptance can never be something you measure up to another person.

For anyone who has been struggling with the self-acceptance, I encourage you to find the positive qualities – the things that you appreciate most about yourself.  What do you already accept and value about who you already are?  This is a huge starting place to embracing self-acceptance.

Next, ask yourself what aspects would you like to be accepting of but aren’t?  How can you let go of the “shoulds” you tell yourself and simply agree that you can find beauty / happiness / love / grace / acceptance in what you have, know, are… RIGHT NOW?

To actively choose self-acceptance in this moment means that you may still work toward becoming more, but that you continue to find the positives in yourself now.  Indeed this is how you start to accept rather than judge, critique, dislike, or loathe.

As with all inner work, you must do it for it to actually take effect.  I encourage you to focus this month on becoming self-accepting of your true nature.

Namaste!!

Perhaps still one of the oldest questions that we debate on is the notion of what is GOD?

I continue to hear people refer to god as a person (“he”), or an omnipotent powerful being in which they call and rely on for help.  In doing so, they can leave too much of their life’s plan or plan of action up to ‘chance’ because they have not clearly defined, nor taken control of their present life situation.

In my current (and nearly), completed - book, WISDOM: A guidebook of Universal truths and teachings to inspire and transform consciousness; and for living an enlightened life I speak about questions I have been contemplating for some time: one of which is … WHAT IS god?

And then I answer it!

What’s really important is not so much HOW we see god but that we believe in a universal power or consciousness that is both everywhere and within us at the same time.  Even this notion can be a challenge if our learned religious or cultural beliefs suggest otherwise.

And yet when ancient scriptures talk about “being one with god” and “allowing god’s grace to be within you” this is exactly the message that is being conveyed; for god is more akin to an infinite intelligent energy than a father figure with a beard and robe.

Leaving your life in the hands of a consciousness that you have personalized still means leaving – abdicating – your life.  To do so is not something that empowers you or helps you direct what you want most.

If you pray (or have intimate conversations with ‘god’ or ‘holy spirit’), be clear and specific about what you are looking for help with; what you indeed want and need.  You also need to be grateful for the help you are given and what has manifested itself even when it doesn’t come to you exactly in the way you may have imagined it.

The world would indeed be a far more peaceful place if all societies remembered that god is infinite love, truth, and wisdom.  The idea of god as universal intelligence and not omnipotent nor punishing in nature is one that frees us to see greater possibilities for creating and for envisioning in our lives.  We could (and often do) blame accidental death, pain, chronic illness, even natural disasters and hate crimes on god but is that really accurate?

My belief in a universal consciousness – call it god or another name – is that it is infinitely intelligent and purposeful.  Recent scientific and cosmology research has suggested that this consciousness is purposeful in nature, having created the optimal microcosmic requirements for life to exist and be sustained on this planet (and perhaps others).

We come into this world innocent, helpless, joyful, and with only love in our hearts.  I have never seen an infant innately know or act hateful, vengeful, angry, or aggressive.  These are all learned experiences and behaviors.  Our inherent nature is one of love instead.

When you live with the SPIRIT of god within you, you actually live of your truest essence.  Your ‘best’ qualities of love, kindness, truth, honesty, and your willingness to selflessly give of your true nature come through clearly…easily.

If you acknowledge that through (the idea of) being god-like, you can live a divine existence right now – it frees you to do so.  You no longer doubt your capability to be an incredible being because the qualities that make you so, you already possess.  Our job as human beings in physical form, is simply to express – or be – the incredible nature that we already are.

That is what we can ascribe to.  That is what allows us to be spirit in action – god-like in physical form.

God is the name we have given for the infinite consciousnessess that is pure, loving, intelligent – purposeful.

Sometimes you are called upon to do extraordinary things.

When this happens …act upon this calling… for it will mean that you serve in a life altering way for another human being.  Going beyond the ordinary isn’t about power; it is about service.  It is about following the inner calling that says, “help this person”.  It’s about using your own innate abilities – your god-given gifts – to help others… and to do so simply… because you can.

In life, we often look for reasons why we should do things.  Finding a ‘should’ is troublesome because it says we ought to do something but we don’t really want to.  Should is never a word that ideally drives an important decision.  If you choose to do something because you want to; because you can; because it is important in some way – then you are almost guaranteed that the
outcome will be grand. 

No, you may not become famous or instantly rich because of one grand gesture of kindness.  But you will make a difference in the world.  And if you are fortunate enough to see the impact of your kindness; your help; your loving nature; that is a gift unto itself. 

Your choice to help someone in need is beautiful karma that will return tenfold in wonderful ways in your life – and even while you don’t choose to be extraordinary as a means to building your karmic ‘bank account’, wonderful acts of grace and kindness go far in building a beautiful life.

Be mindful of your ‘grace-filled’ talents and gifts that are easy for you to share, even as others may not have these same abilities. 

Share your divine nature with others simply because you can…and see how your small efforts to help make someone else’s life better…for just that moment – or for a lifetime.

Namaste!

September bids us to focus on the nature of our dreams.  For some of us, dream study is a way of opening ourselves to our unconscious…to explore meaningful messages and to receive content that can awaken us to new insight.

Curiously, I happen to be concurrently be doing coursework on the subject of dreams.  It is both fascinating and revealing as the process of interpreting and exploring dream content can provide much direction and inspiration for our conscious lives.

Pay closer attention to the dreams you remember.  Consider making notes on the content of your dreams upon first waking…while the material is rich and accessible in your conscious mind.  Writing whatever you recall immediately will help the rest of your dream unravel in your memory.  For those of you who are fortunate enough to dream frequently and remember vividly your dream material, you may consider keeping an actual dream journal – and noting the life events that you are experiencing, decisions you are contemplating, and challenges you face at the same time you note a particular dream.

You receive important messages during your dreams.  Even if you can’t remember, the messages and experiences of your dreams are never truly lost or forgotten.  They are, instead, incorporated into your unconscious, contributing to your higher self’s wisdom. 

Review your dream journal (or dream ‘notes’) often and look for patterns and themes.  The recurrent dream issues signify messages that your higher self is trying to tell you.

In addition to our unconscious mind providing us with ‘dream’ images during sleep…our waking mind allows us to dream using active imagination.  One of the ultimate experiernces of this occurs when we quiet the mind through meditation and allow our third eye or mind’s eye (imagine it positioned in the center of your forehead, above and between your eyebrows) to open. 

Opening our third eye – our AJNA CHAKRA can be done by focusing on it’s position with your eyes closed.

See if you can ‘open’ it by seeing ‘light’ with your eyes closed.  (The light may be a particular color or simply feel bright – or you may focus on the color of deep royal blue (which is a main color associated with this chakra).   The idea is to formulate a sense of stillness here…like a calm lake that is still.

With some dedication to practice, you will begin to see images spontaneously come to you.  Sometimes I get glimpses of possible future moments of my present life.  Sometimes what I see is likely glimpses of a past life.

The ajna chakra presides over your mind and your sense of self.

Six spiritual ‘powers’ are associated with this chakra: unobstructed meditation, perfect concentration, the ability to direct your undivided attention, thought-control, samadhi or the super-conscious state, and the attainment of enlightenment.

When your ajna chakra is open and balanced, you witness the world without judgment and you perceive everything that is within the scope of the senses, as well as all that is beyond them (this chakra center is the source of intuition and psychic perception).

When you begin to integrate the meanings and messages of your dreams into your present day awareness, you begin to reveal your unconscious as it speaks to you.  Whether from a dream state or from a visual imagine through your active yet focused mind…there is much to learn from and explore from the imagery of our higher consciousness.

Further Readings

Chakra Meditation, by Swami Saradananda, 2008.

Eastern Body, Western Mind: Psychology and the Chakra System as a Path to the Self, by Judith Anodea, 2004.

I don’t typically arrive home at night planning on unexpected adventure.  By day’s end I am usually in a reflective mode, quietly examining events of the day…looking inward … quieting my mind and pondering peaceful rest.

Alas, I recently found myself climbing a 15 yr old 70+ ft high tree to rescue two cats who had conveniently left the comfort of the ground in escape of being chased by a wandering lost dog.  I couldn’t quite sit comfortably with the comment from my neighbour that ”cats can climb down by themselves” and found myself borrowing a 30 ft extension ladder to begin my ascention into the massive tree that I admire daily for its beauty.  Tonight it’s massive trunk and dense branches were wet and slippery from the day’s heavy rain.  These cats had not ever been in a tree before and certainly not higher than roof level.

I think tree climbing is easier done by daylight! 

Yet, the quiet stillness that you experience high in the air nestled against a wide trunk and looking up into the night sky might remind you of the magic and beauty of nature all around you….and of something alive, protective, and fierce that you can only experience once you become one with it. 

Consider when you last challenged yourself beyond your comfort zone.  Consider when you last took up a challenge that was in front of you.

(1) Any challenge you embrace is best done with the mental fortitude that you can do it!  Metaphorically speaking, trust that some of those lighter “branches” (in life) will hold your body weight and that your “grip” to a “new resting place” would hold you as you continue to climb.

(2) Become one with the object or nature of your challenge.  To embrace anything that may be a challenge you need to assimilate with it, while being respectful of it’s place and purpose in the world.

Think about the daily mental and emotional challenges that you already face: talking to someone who is angry with you; speaking honestly with a co-worker who has spoken unkindly about you; admitting you were wrong; talking yourself down from your anger toward what you perceive as someone’s disrespectful behavior.  One might say that since we have so many self-engineered psychological challenges, the last thing we need are physical ones.

And then I remember words like: self-esteem, empowerment, and self-actualization and I find myself smiling inwardly, knowing the importance  for creating challenge in our life.

To challenge yourself is to embrace a possibility for learning, growing, and transforming.

A challenge is a way of opening you up to overcoming fears, teaching yourself (and then knowing with certainty) that you can master what you set out to do; and for bringing into your life: a sense of accomplishment (A thought of: “WOW!  I did that!”)

To  often we let challenges go by untouched.  We shy away from speaking candidly with our boss, we let someone else convey our sentiment or true feelings, and we settle into our comfort zone (sometimes ‘hiding’ in what is safe) rather than doing what is bravely different.

Closing yourself off to discovering so much more from life by not seeking out challenges can explain why you experience  discouragement, apathy, fear, depression, and uncertainty.  It explains why you may feel a lack of motivation or interest for life.

Challenging yourself with something you’ve never done, experienced, or learned is the best way to honour life.  It says:  You are capable, you are valuable, you are important.

You may not need to climb a tree to rescue an animal…but challenge yourself in ways that move you to grow outside of your comfort zone:

Some ideas for challenging yourself:

- Say: “I’m sorry” because you were wrong, or because doing so will help heal a relationship.

- Give up a behavior that is not serving your highest good.

- Honour yourself (be kind, respectful, thoughtful, caring of YOU) for no other reason than ‘because you can’!

- Be the first one to smile

- Offer random acts of kindness that challenge you to go beyond what is expected of you, and what you might typically do.  (You will always be surprised at how good YOU feel doing this!)

- Stand up for yourself while maintaining a respectful attitude.  (What you do comes back to you tenfold…aka the Law of Karma)

- Give of yourself in a way that doesn’t necessarily come easy (something that you have to make an effort to do means more to you and also challenges you to grow)

- ALWAYS keep working on YOU.  Even as you are painfully reminded that you are not perfect, perfection is in the continual effort, and not only on the outcome.

- Try a new sport (No you won’t be playing like a professional athlete the first time out, but you will experience the ‘game’, feel a sense of exhilaration that is unmet els and what it feels like to participate!)

- Be brave enough to “let go” of a ‘friendship’ that is really not adding to the quality of your life.  Just because someone wants to be your friend doesn’t mean that they are a good friend.

- Let go of your need to solve someone’s problems or fix them.  It quickly becomes a futile effort to do for someone else what they really need to learn for themself.

*I’m sure you can think of several other life challenges that are worth taking!  Namaste!!

For most of us, August is a reprieve.  It’s a time to relax, escape, holiday…and enjoy the remaining time of summer.  It is the month before the world begins to beat faster with many other new beginnings.

This August, consider the meaning of STUDY in your life.  What are you willing to learn, understand, study?  What new experiences and challenges are in your path that if you explored – would teach you something valuable and different?

Be engaged in learning and study right now.  Take time to introspect, to read, listen and grow.  Now is an important time to embrace new ideas, and skills.  You may feel guided to enroll in formal study: a class, a course, or you may find that independent study allows you to take on a new project of learning at your own pace.

Sometimes when we are in a learning phase of our life, we become anxious to test our new knowledge.  Instead of learning, we want to apply what we’ve learned.  However, timing is everything, and it’s best to pace yourself: enjoy the process of learning, discovering, educating yourself.  The growth that accompanies an educational experience is most enjoyable if we remind ourselves to stay focused on the here-and-now moment.  Trust that you will have many opportunities to share your new knowledge and learning in time.

Namaste!