I used to wonder how it would ever be possible to heal – improve – specific relationships. After all wouldn’t doing so require the full commitment of both people?
With BELIEF and the commitment to realize (no matter how long it may take) what it is you want most…truly anything is possible! Most of the time, when we fail to see the fruits of our efforts, its because we have given up (we have stopped before what we wanted has manifested completely!)
With belief you can manifest anything! (In fact, what you desire most ends up being true because of such a strong resolve you have in making it a reality – even when at times its a reality only in your own mind!)
Consider that the one thing holding you back from having the relationship (e.g. love, friendship, sibling, parent-child, etc) of your dreams is simply how you perceive it. The other important factor is the amount of belief you hold in making your ideal relationship – a reality. (This INCLUDES the effort and work that is required to propel you towards what you want most – making it happen!)
Most of us focus on the problem. We become lost – caught up in the negative aspects of our relationship, and focused on the flaws of the other person, rather than the solution – and what we want the relationship “to be”.
We can manifest the most incredible ideals for anything in life….but the moment we begin to focus on the problems, we direct our focus and energy on these, perceiving (and even making them) to be bigger than they really are. We also lose sight of what is “good” and “working well” and most important “how” we want to improve our relationship further.
FYI: The other thing that we can do is minimize the ‘real’ problems (e.g. abuse, neglect, deceit, infidelity etc.) and convincingly ignore these in the “hopes” that they will somehow ‘improve’ on their own.
In the first example, we are more likely to ‘give up’ on our ideals for a healthy relationship, deciding that it simply isn’t possible to have what we want. In the second example, we ignore and make excuses for the “real” problems rather than end the relationship and seek our ideals for a healthy relationship elsewhere.
Important to remember, manifesting your ideal relationship may no longer be possible with the person you are presently with. In some cases, a relationship will not be able to improve because one of its members simply doesn’t have the same desire (or ability at present) for it to be different (better). For a relationship to progress and develop: to strengthen, deepen, and transform in a way that takes both people to a new level of understanding, respect and love, both have to share a similar desire – and to focus on this desired outcome as they do the ‘work’ of making it so.
In all relationships, when both people share similar ideals – i.e. and if they both believe – without doubt – in the possibility of the relationship to reach new depths of love and intimacy, and levels of honesty, openness, and closeness – it will happen! (It can also happen even if only one member of a relationship desires and believes in this – but as long as there is effort made towards this - AND OF COURSE…that the other person remains open to the positive efforts they see are being made. One partner’s positive efforts is often a catalyst for a relationship improving – if both members truly desire this).
So, what have you been manifesting? Are you looking at the ways in which you may have an even more incredible relationship with those you love? Or are you focused on what’s wrong, missing, or the ‘water under the bridge’ (old hurts and resentments of the past)? Either direction will subconsciously bring you that result.
Make it possible to have what you want by defining it first – either in your mind or in written form – detailing exactly what you want your relationship to be. Next, consider what you are willing to do toward accomplishing this. Let your thoughts and ideals be the road map and your actions be the ‘tangible’ ways that you make your ideal relationship possible.
You may be surprised at first as you begin to see your relationships transforming. Notice even the simplest ways in which you have been able to contribute to making your relationship “better”.
Sometimes (like in my case) your efforts won’t fully be materialized for YEARS!! During this time, it may seem easier to throw in the towel, to stop believing, to give up the idea that you could ever have the kind of relationship with someone that you’ve always wanted.
Just remember… You have any relationship (providing that the other person is as deeply invested in deepening and strengthening the relationship – by first BEING / LIVING / the ideal for HOW you want the relationship to be.
For example: if you wanted a more open and honest dialogue with a family member, you need to begin by first modelling this behaviour, directly ‘asking’ for the same in return (forthright communication is such a pivotal component of healing and nurturing relationships) and providing examples of what this ‘looks like’ for them. You also need patience and fortitude to overcome the preconceived ideas you have about what the other person is capable of – as well as persistence and BELIEF that EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE MOST is possible.
In the end, no matter how long it may take, perhaps you will be (like I was) both amazed and grateful at how it was possible all along – just as long as you remained focused on the positive behaviours (that you are responsible for), PATIENT (you may see results instantly, but it can also take years!), and constant in your BELIEF of the outcome you want most!