About Dorothy
Site Map
pic1 pic2 pic3
Professional Services About Cognitive Therapy Dorothy's Book Articles Media Events

Trusting Yourself will Allow You to Trust Others

Publication: York Region's Liberal Newspaper
Date: December 2001

Trust is the fundamental building block of human relationships. In our personal lives, we trust that our friends will be open and honest with us. If they are not, we may feel less comfortable around them, - and less willing to share of our own self. We trust that we will be able to give our friends our open and honest opinion about something and that they will not be offended because our opinion comes from a place of truthfulness and compassion. We also trust that our friends will not be judgmental and critical of us, but accept us for who and what we are. We trust that our friends are able to recognize all of our good qualities, and yet be patient with us as we continue to grow and evolve. When we trust that certain people in our lives will not make negative judgments about who we are, we can then feel comfortable in being ourselves -- including being silly, angry, or sad at any one moment. We can be our authentic self and feel at ease in the presence of our friends. To have even one friend who allows us to be able to do this is indeed a great gift.

In love, we trust that our partner or soul mate is also our best friend. We trust that he or she is the most supportive person in our life. We trust that he or she is always honest with us - and that we can always rely on receiving unbiased feedback in order that we may continue to learn more about ourselves and grow as our own person. We trust that our partner or soul mate is loyal, nurturing, kind, and respects us as their equal. We trust that, of the entire universe, it is our life partner, or soul mate that will stand by our side, no matter what. For us to walk through life side by side with this person, we must ultimately trust in the level of commitment that we share. Trust allows us to wake each morning 'knowing' that we are extremely loved, and that we are the most important person to each other - we are the center of each other's universe.

Trust comes from others and it originates within ourselves. If we trust in our self and our own abilities as a human being, we develop self-confidence and others will feel comfortable in trusting us. When we are trustworthy, we are more easily respected and trusted by our peers and by those we love. If you have ever met someone who was untrusting of others, you might remember how difficult it was to trust them in return. Trust begets trust. If you trust that all people are inherently good on a basic level, then you will treat all people different than if you inherently distrust everyone that you meet. Trust on a human fundamental level allows us to connect with others and share of ourselves. When we have not learned how to trust, we are saying that we are unsure of ourselves and we are unsure of others. We do not feel confident in the process of connecting and establishing relationships with others, and we do not trust the outcome.

One of the things we may teach our children is the ability to trust - first in themselves, and second in others. While we need to trust that everything is not accomplished by ourselves alone, we do need to rely on ourselves to shape our own destiny by virtue of the choices that we make. We also need to trust in the process of receiving the results we have worked for. By first 'being' trustworthy, our children will learn a great deal about the ability to trust others. By learning 'how' to be trustworthy, we are demonstrating a skill that is fundamental to human behavior and to self-esteem. We are saying that we can be trustworthy because we have enough confidence and self-esteem to trust in our own ability first. Trust on this level is far more meaningful than any other lesson.

Ask yourself if others see you as trustworthy. As yourself if you trust in who you are.